Hidden Blessings

Last night after putting Jake to bed, Jason and I started talking about the last year and how crazy it has been. It was one of those moments I started to really remember some of the hidden blessings that have come from the loss of my mom over 11 years ago.
I told Jason that it was through that experience, and watching my parents, that I learned how to budget right down to the very last penny if I have to. I don't remember the exact numbers, probably because I've never been given the real specifics, but the last set of chemo my mom was on costed more than my dad was bringing home in a month, and she was having it every week. To this day I always think of 2 things:
1) How in the world did they do it? I know for them it was probably the most stressful thing ever, but somehow they made it seem so seemless and I NEVER felt as if I was going without.
2) My dad is my hero. Somehow he managed to hold it all together. Even after watching his wife battle cancer 3 times in the span of 4 years. Even with all the money stress he had to be thinking of constantly. Even when she died, leaving him with two teenage girls and a teenage boy, he kept going. He has been the best example of hard work, strength, and independence I know. For this I am eternally grateful.
All this has brought some skills to my life that have come in very handy in this last year. With Jason and I only having one of us at work for a total of 4 1/2 months, it became necessary to really cut back. I learned to coupon which was HUGE! (40 cent dinners anyone?) It also really opened our eyes to the very big difference between wants and needs. I think in the whole past year, we went to the movie 3 times. All 3 were at the dollar theater on 2 for 1 date night. On the extremely rare occasion that we ate out, it was off the dollar menu. And can I tell you what? I love that we had this experience. I really do. I know it was a real booster for Jason and my relationship to have all of that at home time together. It also proved to me that I can do it. I have all the confidence in the world when it comes to being able to provide for my family on the bare minimum if I have to. That's a comforting feeling now that we have Jake.
Another thing we discussed is something near and dear to my heart. That is, that through watching my mom, even when she was sick, I learned how to be a mother. Now that I'm older, I can look back, as many can, and realize that all those things I hated that she did, I now love her for them. It was through her strict ways that I learned how to be self sufficient and responsible. I learned priorities. I learned how to cook for my family (never had an actual lesson mind you, I learned this just by watching her). I learned to plan ahead. It is because of her that I learned that I have to put my family first now. I've been noticing these life lessons paying off recently too. Jake had his first cold about a week ago and we thought it had turned into an ear infection. I didn't even have to hesitate to call in to work so that I could stay home and take him to the doctor because I had saved my PTO for something just like this.
I love those moments that things get tough with my new life as a mom, because those are the moments I feel her so very closely. I have learned that if I can just sit and be still and clear my head for just a moment I can hear her telling me just what to do. What a blessing it is to not even have to pick up the phone and try to explain things. She's already there and already knows. And, though I wish everyday she were here to love him, hod him, and play with him, I know she's got a front row seat to the show. All these things I wouldn't have if she were here help ease the sting of those moments I wish she was. Today, and always, I am grateful for the insight to be able to realize that and see it in such a positive light. I am blessed.