Last night when I was talking with my stake president he reminded me how satan will throw trials my stronger than ever now. I thought to myself, "yeah, I'll see them coming and head him off at the pass." Boy was I ever wrong, as I learned this morning. After a huge blowout with a family member I've always felt close too, I realized my eyes aren't as open to satan's ways as I thought. I'm grateful that I was at the very least able to remember the questions asked last night, and the promises made when I signed my recommend. With that in my head, I was able to keep myself from saying anything I didn't mean. Some hard truth's were brought out, and not received well, but no personal unnecessary, untrue words were used. I honestly can't say what will come of my relationship with this person. I hope, as in times before it can be put behind us, but I can only handle my side. And my side still has a real love for the other person, and always will. But at the same time, I have learned, over many years, and many, many hard realizations that there are certain attributes that connected us in the past, that just aren't in place anymore. I have changed, for the better. I have grown. I have developed my own true self, and that self doesn't mesh well with the old stagnant ways.
If that person is reading this, I hope they will know that I do love them. That I do appreciate them and all of the countless ways they have helped me. I simply cannot have the negativity in my life anymore. I'm in a happier place without it. Not, without them, just simply without the negativity. After a long, long time, I've finally learned that I have to do what's best for me (without hurting anyone else of course).
"There is nothing more genuine than breaking away from the chorus to learn the sound of your own voice."
-Po Bronson
"I was once afraid of people saying, 'Who does she think she is'? Now I have the courage to stand and say, 'This is who I am!'"
-Oprah Winfrey
"I've spoken my peace and counted to three."
-O Brother Where Art Thou
If that person is reading this, I hope they will know that I do love them. That I do appreciate them and all of the countless ways they have helped me. I simply cannot have the negativity in my life anymore. I'm in a happier place without it. Not, without them, just simply without the negativity. After a long, long time, I've finally learned that I have to do what's best for me (without hurting anyone else of course).
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